One and Only
by freiheitfuehlen
Summary: Set after 3x11. Will and Kalinda spent the evening together, talking. Will/Kalinda friendship  Will/Alicia Kalinda/Cary


**A/N: **So, that's my first writing for this fandom. I'm a little nervous, so please read and review. It's Christmas after all.

**One and Only**

"_You've been on my mind. I grow fonder every day, lose myself in time just thinking of your face. God only knows, why it's taken me so long to let my doubts go. You're the only one that I want."_

The amber liquid was leaving a stinging trail down his throat until it finally settled in his stomach, warming him from the inside. He was holding the glass close to his lips, closed his eyes and sighed deeply; a yearning attempt to cover the guilt and hurt he felt.

"You know what I like about you," Will said quietly while putting down the glass onto the white napkin in front of him. He contemplated his words, choosing them wisely, because he knew that there was a limit to this woman's emotional closure – or empathy for that matter.

"You know how to separate, know how to hold back. I used to be like that, too; distant, vague, withdrawn. Commitment isn't for people like us."

His voice sounded unusually neutral, almost as if he was merely stating a fact rather than giving up on himself in defeat. And maybe that was how it stood when no one had ever believed it could possibly turn out differently in the first place.

Kalinda remained silent, tracing the rim of her own glass, filled with Scotch, too; his treat. Will had not looked at her for a couple of minutes. He had simply sat there, hands holding onto his glass and staring at his reflection in the mirror behind the bar. She knew that tonight he needed a lot of things and not much of those were things Kalinda was able to offer – or was willing to give.

"You know what we need," She finally said with a glint of mischief in her eyes, "Two shots of tequila…each." She smiled at him and when she heard him laugh out in agreement, she understood that the things she could do might even be enough for tonight.

The door opened behind them and they both turned their heads in curiosity. Dana and Cary walked over the threshold, acknowledging their presence with curt nods and faint smiles. It had been a while since she had seen Cary in this particular bar and she had come here often; afterwards.

They were startled out of their reverie when the girl behind the bar placed their drinks in front of them with a charming smile.

Kalinda picked up the salt shaker, licked the space between her thumb and index finger and sprinkled some salt on it before passing it over to Will.

She took the shot from its place on the counter top, nodded at Will, clinked her glass with his and said, "Screw commitment. It's overrated anyway."

"Amen to that," Will replied and drowned the tequila in one swift gulp.

"I thought you were Jewish," Kalinda noted, speaking more to herself than him.

"And Jews don't say Amen?" Will said and smiled at her confusion. She was beautiful, Will noticed, and the fact that she was so secretive and her apparent apathy only intrigued him more. He had to talk to Eli, Will added to his train of thoughts, who seemed to take up all of her investigation time and abilities. He liked to be around her. She was easy to get along with; no expectations, no judgment, no misinterpretation of words and intentions. They would not be friends in the traditional way, Will knew, but they could be something; honest and loyal with each other which was more than enough for him, he realized.

"Do you smoke," Kalinda asked, looking past him. In the direction of Cary and Dana, Will assumed. She smirked but there was an underlying sadness in her eyes that Will was cautious enough not to mention.

"No. Why?" Will asked curiously.

"Me neither, but sometimes I wish I did." Kalinda answered before picking up the second shot of tequila, deciding to forgo both the salt and the lemon. It was not about enjoying the taste of this beverage – it never was, and Kalinda was just a little bit to honest with herself tonight to deny the truth; even to herself.

"We should get out of here," Will suggested and it did not sound like in invitation, just merely like an attempt to relief themselves of some of the baggage they were currently carrying on their backs.

"Yeah, we should," Kalinda smiled, put on her coat and left some bills on the counter.

"So, did you really demolish Blake's car with a baseball bat?" Will asked curiously, took a sip from the 200$ bottle of Scotch they had bought on their way to the park bench they were currently sitting on, overlooking Lake Michigan, and he passed it on to Kalinda.

"I can't answer on the ground that it may incriminate me," Kalinda said and smiled contently. She took the bottle with her right hand, inhaled a breath of nicotine and brought the Scotch to her lips.

Will laughed at her reply, taking one of the cigarettes Kalinda had purchased before leaving the bar and lit it. He did not have to cough at his first puff and when the nicotine flooded his bloodstream he felt a little light-headed. It tasted terribly, Will admitted, but with some more Scotch, he mused, that would vanish, too; with the pain and doubts in his mind.

"You know what I like about you," Kalinda repeated his words from earlier. She was quiet for a moment, collecting her thoughts and when she spoke she turned her face to him and held his gaze, "You don't judge; not intentionally, not the people you care about and respect."

Will sighed, never breaking eye contact with her.

"You wouldn't say that if you knew me before. I've done a lot of things I'm not proud of."

"So have I. But that's what growing up is all about, right. Maturity."

Will was quiet for a moment, contemplating her ideas on adulthood. He took the bottle from her hands and when he touched her fingers they lost themselves in each other's shared feeling of sadness; surrounding them, engulfing them, weighing them down.

They both leaned forward at the same time. When they kissed, chastely and testing, they both understood they could go there but they should not. There was mutual attraction between them, maybe it had always been there, simmering underneath the surface, and yet it was not enough; they were not enough and they probably would never be. Not for each other.

"Why did you tell me?" Will paused and when he continued, he spoke softly, a hint of defeat in his voice, "About Alicia and Peter."

Kalinda shrugged, a frail attempt at hiding the truth, and when she saw the demand in Will's eyes she knew that she had to tell him, albeit believing that he already knew anyway.

"For the same reason you pursued her. We both know Peter. And we both know that there are still many secrets Alicia doesn't know and yet it's not our place. It's not our decision. It's not our story to tell."

Will nodded and took another sip of Scotch before he passed the bottle to Kalinda.

"Did you ever think about law school?"

Kalinda held the bottle with one hand and traced its rim with the index finger of her other hand.

"No." She said curtly before bringing the bottle to her lips.

"Why?" Will asked, wondering about her reasons.

"It's not who I am," Kalinda replied dryly.

Kalinda liked facts and the truth. She lived by the rules of distance and detachment, almost to a pathological degree. She could provide information, even for the guilty clients, closing herself up to any doubts she might feel. Also Kalinda hated the spotlight, always had since her 3rd grade teacher made her sing a solo for their Christmas performance. Being in the public's eye meant exposing herself and Kalinda was unwilling and unable to risk that; for various reasons, none of which she was inclined to share – not even with Will.

"My turn," Kalinda said demandingly, "Why did you choose Alicia over Cary?"

Will smiled at her, "Cary, hu?"

"Don't change the subject," Kalinda admonished him. She did not want to about Cary; not with him and certainly not with herself. There was still so much between Cary and her that was unsaid, unadmitted, undone.

"You must know. We both know you encouraged Alicia to bring in Eli as a client. For what reasons? I don't know and it's not my place to speculate either."

Kalinda nodded at his explanation, after all she understood exactly how urgent it was for him to bury his emotions, to neglect the truth and cover up his actions. They were alike in that matter and Kalinda thought that maybe it was helpful to have someone in her life who acknowledged and valued the security that lay in privacy.

"So, what do we do now," Will asked, emptying the bottle of Scotch with one last drink from it.

"We do exactly what we've always done," Kalinda said in a reassuring tone, got up and looked down at Will demandingly.

"We go to work, we do our jobs to the best of our abilities. We survive."

They both smiled and when they walked along Lake Michigan they vowed to seek each other's presence and companionship more often.

The end.


End file.
